The woman who wants me to be with the single 35 year old in my branch is my visiting teacher- who came to see us while Laura and I were scurrying around trying to get ready to go to Harrisburg. I got dressed and came out and proceeded to get nagged by her about my hair, that I should wear it down- to look younger and to attract this guy. Nagged at me again to date this guy.
In my own house.
During Visiting Teaching.
In front of my mother and sister.
Can you say embarrassing? I didn't know what to say. My mother then asked, "Liz, are you interested in [Single Guy]?" to which I quietly replied, No. I think she was trying to get this woman off my back. She doesn't normally ask me things like that. And then the conversation moved on, thank goodness. It was all rather awkward.
My own mother knows better then to nag me about my hair, even if it is prettier down. And my own mother does not nag me about boys, even though I know she would love to be a grandma. Still not understanding why this woman from church thinks she has the right to tell me what to do in matters of the heart.
A week later I found myself at church. Did I really feel like being there? No, Mom was coming out of the hospital and I was pretty tired and had a million things to do to prepare. But I came and was glad because listening to other's testimonies was what I needed. After church I walked over to turn in my tithing and my branch president took my envelope and asked if I'd had a good time while at the YSA conference. Yes, I replied. I was clearly distracted and not remembering what would come next- and come it did:
"Did you meet anyone that you can't live without?"
Maybe some other Sunday I wouldn't have cared so much. But I was emotionally and physically drained and all I wanted to do was to pay my tithing, not be heckled. I just felt like curling into a ball on the ground. I don't even think I answered No, I think I just said "I should have known that was coming" and turned and walked briskly out of the chapel.
What would he have done if I'd said Yes? Does he really think I'm going to come back and say "Oh yes, I met a boy a week ago and he's smart and charming and handsome and we're going to get married." I've heard of some fast engagements, but that's pretty fast. It was an odd way to put it too- shouldn't it also be a factor that the guy can't live without me either?
I guess I just don't understand why I'm getting the same questions over and over from these same people when clearly my answer hasn't changed in over three years. Does this woman think I'm all of a sudden going to change my mind? Does my branch president think I'm going to get engaged and not say anything?
Why ask me when you already know the answer?
Heck, when my time comes, I'll come to church wearing one of those stupid "Future Mrs.{Insert stupid new last name here}" T-shirts that I see in the back of bride magazines. I'll wear a big pin saying "I'm engaged" on my lapel. I'll wear a sandwich board and ring my bell. I'll wave my left hand all over in your face. I won't be subtle. It won't be a secret. I'll even hire a line of guys in medieval garb to come and play trumpets and announce it "Hear Ye, Hear Ye" style.
But here's the thing- I'm happy. Really. I love what I'm doing these days in school and YSA and YW. I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do now. Nagging only serves to diminish my self-esteem, my sense of fulfillment and the happiness I feel. I'm trying, but I can't totally control this whole marriage thing, so why rub my nose in it?
I guess I need to say something to them because this pattern is getting really exhausting. Can't help but notice that it is generally people who are less satisfied with their marriages who are the ones who hound me. Them, and people who don't know proper social etiquette. Misery loves company?
Why is my singleness an open topic? Do I hound the married people? "Why don't you have more children? Do you like your Mother in Law? When are you buying a house? When will you get a raise?" No, because I generally follow proper social etiquette!
I know, I know- I should write the grievances that people cause me in the sand and the good things they do for me in stone- I try not to be offended or irritated but that's hard sometimes. So I vent.
In the meantime, I'll start writing a handbook for them on dealing with the other species at church- The Singles.
And designing a line of shirts (and perhaps some armor too?) for us single peeps.
Pretty tempted to wear this for real:
Then I could just point to it when someone makes a dumb remark.
Oh, and I got around to designing a badge-style pin for those who like better standards in their Get To Know You Games:
Enough venting for now.
Ciao.
2 comments:
GO LIZ!!! I think an inconvenient number of people think their rights to enforce and impose and pry into the PERSONAL lives of others extend far beyond even the most liberal interpretation of social etiquette.
Amen and amen. My dear, dear sistah nun... errr... Lizzy. :) I think you should definitely talk to your Branch Pres and Visiting Teacher. They are there to be a support to you, not someone to drag you down. And I'm sure (at least I hope) that it's not intentional. They just don't get it. Anymore than we get the struggles of marriage and parenthood. The situations can be understood theoretically, but until one actually walks in the shoes one just doesn't know. I love you! I'm always so uplifted by the things you have to say, especially when it's about struggles like this. I'm right there in that boat paddling along. You're just so wonderful, don't ever forget it!
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