Go Ask Alice

I went and saw Alice last night with my aunt and sister last night, and I was glad I did. Besides the visuals being great, I particularly identified with the opening scene where everyone is expecting her to say yes to that daffy fellow. I didn't like that the movie poopooed marriage, but at least they poopooed bad marriages- arranged, unhappy ones and the cheating brother-in-law.

I identified with that opening scene for several reasons:

1) I had a blind date much like that- everyone in his family and extended family wanted to see us meet! What a circus. Perhaps I will tell that story one day.

2) The people there (including her family) expected her to say yes to this boy without even caring if she wanted to marry him or not. And they told her "she'd never do any better." She was expected to be married just to be married.

This scene was very interesting to me because of some very recent events. The day before I saw the movie, Sunday, I was chatting with my branch president and his counselor in the hallway, and the topic turned to the last YSA conference that I had attended. And naturally (D'oh!) they asked if I had met "anybody" there. Hint hint. They have done this on many an occasion, I put up with it. You'd think after the same answer time after time that they'd stop asking...and wouldn't they hear through the grapevine (it's a tiny branch!) if I did meet someone?

Well it escalated past their usual comments. They like to tell me to "put myself out there more" when in reality I am one of the most social creatures at these things! Trust me, I'm trying. They started telling me that I needed to take President Uchtdorf's example and wear someone down (During the YW broadcast the night before, President Uchtdorf talked about the lengths he went to to win his wife's heart). They told me that I needed to club someone over the head and drag them off.

Well that's the way to make someone feel attractive, no?

Apparently no one wants to be with me unless I club them.

I told my branch president (if you are going to dish it out then you had better be prepared to get it back!) that it was not in his best interest to get me married off- he would then have to find a new YW leader, a near impossible task in our tiny branch. After nearly 2 years in YW, I still don't have any counselors and the Primary just got reduced- one leader just moved.

It escalated from there. One of the women in the branch walked through when all this was going on and overheard and put in her two cents as she was walking out, she totally interrupted. It felt like machine gun fire spewing from her mouth. The backstory is that for quite awhile now she has been telling my mother that I need to date this guy in our branch. Sunday marked the first time she told me to my face instead of behind my back. She kept telling me that I needed to ask him out, go to a movie (why is this my job?). I don't know all of what she said, I started blocking it out. It was really loud and uncalled for, telling me what to do. Thank heavens this guy was gone that day and didn't overhear all that. Talk about mortifying.

Is this guy nice? Sure, but I don't find myself particularly attracted to him. And I don't think he's attracted to me. I've been in this branch for nearly 3 years, I think he'd do something by now if he was interested. He's my home teacher to boot, he has an "in" if he wanted one.

But here's the thing: I make my dating decisions based on other elements besides the fact that he's the only single man in the branch approximately my age (he's 35ish).

And to shout at me about this, like I'm some kind of idiot that never noticed a youngish single man in my branch of 20 people. How stupid does she think I am? And she was essentially 40 when she married, where does she get off pushing me onto someone? Shouldn't she be on my side?

Normally incidents in this nature don't fluster me (you should hear the things that people say to me), but Sunday really bothered me. I had three individuals bashing me at once.

It escalated from there.

Yesterday, Tuesday, a mere two days after this verbal assault (that's what it felt like), I get a message in my FB inbox from another woman in the stake. She meant well, but felt the need to tell me of a 37ish yr old single guy in her ward with three children. Hint hint, subtle. I politely (gritting my teeth) told her thank you for the information and left it at that. I looked at his profile, I do not feel the need to get to know this individual better.

Talk about an overload.

Am I a broken thing to fix? It's hard not to feel like a dog that people are throwing bones to.

One thing that drives me absolutely crazy in Mormon culture is the attitude that people have that you have to get married just to be married, or that it doesn't matter who you marry so long as you are married. Let me make myself clear that I am not attacking the church or its doctrine on marriage- I believe in marriage. I love the teachings from our prophet and apostles. And they warn that who you choose to marry is one of the most important decisions that you will make in this life. This decision is not something that I take lightly. Most of the people who marry just to be married are now divorced. Or are miserable. Or both.

If I wanted to only be married, I could be married several times over by this point. I know how to play my cards. And I'd be miserable, for I didn't love any of them. What kind of life is that?

Yet time and time again people make suggestions to me that are contrary to what the brethren teach, they say to the effect of "Just Get Married." Like the aforementioned "Just find someone and crack them over the head and drag them off". Like when this same branch president wanted me to date his nonmember hick friend who was "quiet". Thank heavens he forgot to follow through with that. And this woman yelling at me in the hall to date/marry this guy without caring what I think. The list goes on and on.

I think that some marrieds need a manual about how to deal with us singles. I have some great married friends...and then there are the people you want to beat with clubs. They said what? There really are times when I'm like "How are these words actually coming out of your mouth??"

And where do these people get off thinking that they know what's better for me than myself? That they know what's best for me better than my family does? That they know better than Heavenly Father what's best for me? They don't understand that I am on my own timeline- and that I am happy with that. I'm in a good place now. I have faith that things will happen when they are supposed to happen. I go by the Holy Ghost when making decisions. I am continually preparing myself for that time. But it is not this very second. And really, I haven't waited this long just to settle. Ha. I'd rather be a cat lady and have fun!

My friend Jenni recently made the point that you cannot have two "half" people to make a marriage- it requires two "whole" people. And I am working on making myself that much more "whole" so that I can bring something to a marriage. I think that I deserve someone who is doing the same.

At the very least I need a shirt with a witty comeback on it, then I can just point to my shirt when I'm being verbally assaulted.